Tuesday, December 15, 2009

I didn't forget. Promise.

I just didn't quite get around to it. In fact, I kinda just moped around the house all day yesterday dreading this post. And just a warning, this isn't the happiest of posts. You may even want a tissue, if you choose to keep reading. But then I want to remember and be intentional too, so no apologies.

Yesterday was Dec. 14th, the one dark spot on our Christmas calendar every year. You see 3 years ago (has it been that long already?) I had major and critical in-utero (however that's spelled) surgery in an attempt to save both the twins' lives. Sarah Kate was showing signs of congestive heart failure, and Claire had very little amniotic fluid in her sac. Both were the result of Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome.

The surgery went well, the ultrasound 24hrs. later showed that both girls were doing well, but little did we know that that was the last time we would "see" our little Claire. She didn't make it to the 48 hr. ultrasound, which was on Dec. 14th. So each year I mark that day as my day to remember.

To remember what might have been.
To remember to hug my Sarah Kate just a wee bit tighter and longer.
To remember to thank God for His faithfulness, His protection, and His provision.

-His faithfulness, in that He remained true to His promise that "I'll never leave you or forsake you."
-His protection, in that Josh and I drove back and forth to Cincinnati two different times, through rain and snow, and were safe. (We Southerners usually don't drive well in snow and ice.)
-His provision, in that we had a $25,000 surgery and because we'd already met our deductible, only paid a $15 co-pay for it. Of course we had other medical bills, but that one still blows me away.

We were especially blessed during that time. Many people reached out to us, some of whom I still don't even know, and it was one time where I could almost literally feel the hand of God working through His people. And as hard as it is to remember, I don't want to forget.

This is one of the lasting mementos we have of our Baby Claire.
We lost her at 20 weeks, so these footprints are barely an inch long.

I cherish them.
I always will.
And I won't forget.

For so many different reasons, I won't forget.


Jana Eubank said...

Oh, Deanna! I'm bawling my eyes out. :*( I'm so sorry for your loss. HUGS to you, my sweet friend.

Virginia said...

i love you, friend.

Sarah said...

I will not forget that sweet angel, either. Prayed for you all day and didn't get a chance to call (we have a Bethany baby boy--got him Friday night and will probably place him at the end of the week. My brain was on you but the rest of me is a little on the busy side : ) ) Sarah Kate's life is double precious for the one that we lost--and we will not forget!

Jenni said...

Deanna, I had no idea! HUGS to you and what a sweet, sweet tribute...only one a mother could make. Love ya girlie!

Dadoo's Wife said...

my sweet friend....how you are loved :)

Aphra said...

oh, Deanna, what a sad, sad day. so sorry to hear about your family's loss. so blessed to hear how you thank God for His faithfulness in the midst of it all. hugs to you!

Jason and Gretchen said...

Thanks for sharing! This was a blessing to me to read. It is amazing how the Lord works and does take care of us (eg. medical bills paid for).

Kristii said...

Bless your sweet heart!! Thanks for sharing your touching story!!! Sending you great big hugs!